Day 2

Here I am again. Well, I didn't write down what I ate - but I did download an app to help me keep track of what I eat. When (if?) I figure out the technology, I'll download the info from the app to this blog. Don't hold your breath.

I did go for a walk. Not as long as I wanted to, but I was about half way when I heard the school bell ring. Can't leave the kiddies stranded. Still having discomfort in my upper abdomen, hoping it will pass. Have to call my doctor tomorrow, see if the referral was made..... And, I did start on the bead sort - it's gonna be scary!! No more bead buying (sniff) and possibly have to figure out a bead sale of some sort.

Kevin read my blog post - it never occured to me that he would see it. I'm putting my thoughts out there, guess he can see it too. It was tough to talk to him about some of the stuff in there, guess practice will make perfect. Another walk tomorrow and some bead planning too. Bye for now.

I started this blog thinking I'd blog about all the beaded goodies I was creating. Well, it's been over a year, and I've posted nothing. Unfortunately, I've also not been beading very much. This evening I succeeded in hurting my accounts on my main computer so it's onto the laptop and a freshish start. But it's also time to change the focus of my blog. Still love beading, but I have to concern myself with my health. Grudgingly. Don't know why it's so difficult for me to start taking care of myself, but it is. Been dealing with sleep apnea for the last 3 or 4 years and I hate sleeping with that damn machine!!!! It's noisy. It's not comfortable. It's embarrassing. I avoid reading about sleep apnea 'cause I don't want to acknowledge what I've done to myself. And now I'm scared. Tonight I looked up a few things, hoping I could blame my cpap machine for the way my upper abdomen feels. Why tonight? Probably has to do with the funeral I went to yesterday for hubby's 83 year old uncle. Not fitting into clothes for the funeral. Having trouble with my puffy foot and my shoes. And wondering if I will live that long.

Pshhhh, heavy stuff. I look at my kids, wondering if I'll be there when they graduate from high school? My kids need me, which I find an overwhelming concept. Guess I have trouble with responsibility, still. Gotta accept my role in all this. I'm the go to person, they want me. My kids don't know I feel like a fraud. Obviously they are not teenagers, 'cause I'm sure they'll call me a fraud then.

Back to the sleep apnea. Need to fix it. Gotta start moving. Be kinder to myself. Try not to hate myself so much. Whoa, lots going on there. Okay, lets start gently. I'll go for a walk tomorrow. It'll be short, get winded too easily. And my blog focus is changing. Gonna write about what I eat. Right now I eat too much. Too much food, too much junk. Do I hate myself that much? Yeah, but that's for another post. One thing at a time and right now, I need to own up to what I put into my mouth. A step in the right direction...... but I will get to those beady posts. I promise.

Here I go....

I've finally started the magical (?) world of blogging. Now I have to push away from the computer, and get a life so I actually have something to blog about.